The Amateur Triumphant - Part Three

Well, you've finally done it - closed the doors of the professional practice and sent a farewell notice to the ATO. You've tossed the letterhead, invoice forms, and business cards into the fire and told the accountant that you will be doing your own lying in the future. You are set to be a real amateur.

No turning back. No doing jobs for money. From now on the only compensation you will be receiving will be "exposure", "a drink", and "recognition". And the occasional bucket of lemons from Mr. Valducci's tree. There will be more lemons than drinks.

The demands on you will change - while no-one can compel you to deliver the goods on time, they will expect you to hand over every raw file that you have taken so that they can have them printed at Officeworks. This might have seemed unreasonable when you were a working professional but that was when you were a person with a camera in hand - now you are a camera with a person attached. The camera has remained sharp but you have become fuzzy.

Do not despair. While you no longer will have money, you can still have fun. By all means turn over the raw files to the person who demands them. Just copy them all into 1993BFG.3.0PiX format on a 5" floppy disc and hand it over. And a pleasant smile when you do so doesn't hurt.

Your own photography will improve greatly in the future. You will no longer be asked to make tins of cabbage ends or anorexic teenagers look appetising. No one will ask you to take 3.2 metric tonnes of lighting equipment up the top of Bluff Knoll in relays to capture the magic of toilet paper. You can go to a wedding and drink.

Better still, you can go to a wedding and watch the wedding photographers at work and let them watch you watching them. If you know how to let out good strangled shriek or do a very slow face palm you can have fun all afternoon. A slow wink also does the trick.

Are you worried about the piles of gear that are still stacked in the locked cabinet? Well, if you haven't finished paying for them you need not worry too much longer. The leasing and finance companies will be sorting that/you out in short order. If it is yours freehold, you can either use it to take immensely detailed photo essays of spit or you can take it to the camera markets that they hold every three months. You can then bring it home again.

There is an opportunity for the new amateur to join the art scene. This can be effected on-line or in person by attending at local art groups. Sociability, kindness, and the ability to see good in everyone is an asset in this sort of affair. It is rewarding if you are prepared to learn the language of Artspeak and are not afraid to try a few halting phrases. " Awful Dreck " and " Ghastly Daub " are useful...

Finally, have you thought of finally settling down and writing the Great Australian Novel? Or the Definitive Outback Photoshoot? Or setting fire to paddocks? They are all equally attractive propositions, and as you are a free agent you can turn them over in your mind...

Onward. Excelsior!

Uncle Dick

Slither Your Way To Fame With the WA Herpetological Society

I am going to have to rein in the editorial horses for this one, as the temptation to use expressions like " Snakes Alive!" and " Hissing Syd" is nearly irresistible. Once you start to introduce reptiles into a conversation dignity flies out the window - much as when you introduce them at the dining table...

In any event, the Western Australian Herpetological Society would like you to go to the Reptile Expo 2013 at the Cannington Exhibition Center on Sunday, the 19th of May. The exhibition will run between 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM but the bit that interests photographers is between 10:00 and 4:00.

You see they are running a photo competition and we are amongst the sponsors who are providing prizes. There is a proper set of rules to be seen at the following website:

http://wahs-expo.wix.com/2013

But I can give you a précis here:

Must be a picture of an Australian reptile. Not a newspaper proprietor, a real reptile...

Must be mounted on matt board - max dimension of the matt board is 40cm x 50 cm

Must be submitted for judging and exhibition at the center on the day - entries close at 10:00 AM.
There will be announcement of he winners and presentation of prizes at 12:00 and you can collect your pictures back again between 4:00 and 5:00. If you don't collect them after some long time they will donate them to a school.

You must be an amateur photographer. Not a professional photographer - they even say in the rules that you can never have been a professional...I'm not entirely sure how that idea will go if someone somewhere once paid you for a picture... any rate be careful. Remember what happened to Jim Thorpe.

The WAHS says they intend to reserve the right... to reproduce any of your photos for future publications but promise to give you accreditation. I am not quite certain how this works if you are going to collect them at the end of the day, but I'm sure they will work this out.

The prizes for the winners of the competition are:

1. 1st prize is your art work reproduced on a 12 x 18 canvas and a Cullmann tripod and bag.
2. 2nd prize is a photographic session with Houndstooth Studios.
3. 3rd prize is a Cullmann monopod - very valuable if your next wild reptile encounter is conducted in thick undergrowth...

Alex Cearns, wildlife photographer extraordinaire, will be doing the judging. Saul Frank, camera salesman extraordinaire will be presenting the Cullmann prizes.

Apparently I, Uncle Dick, hack writer extraordinaire will be doing some form of a little talk on photographing reptiles. If they put me near the frogs and lizards I will be using English and if they put me near the poisonous snakes I will be using Anglo-Saxon. That'll be me - perched on the top of a step ladder with a forked stick and a Colt .45.