Uncle Dick's Workshop - Friday 11

Every Friday at 10:00AM - we will be bringing you the sort of cutting-edge expertise that leaves ragged bits and sore fingers - Uncle Dick's Workshop. The advice is free - free from good sense in most instances....It really cranks up around the first of April.

Q:      I ordered this last week. Where is it?

A:      Damfino. They have yet to equip cardboard boxes containing lens hoods with GPS units or laser designation responders. You could be in for a wait – the tracking number is in Roman numerals....

Q:      This image appears to be soft in the corners. What are you going to do about it?

A:      Congratulate you – it is a picture of a kitten on a fur rug.

Q:      How can I prevent members of sports teams and school classes from making  “Indian Feather” finger signs behind their friend’s heads just before I take their photo.

A:      Remember what Phil Sheridan said about good Indians. I should think a .38 would suffice for most schoolboys.....

Q:      I see that they manufacture coffee cups that look like Nikon or Canon lenses. Which one would have better resolution on a small-sensor camera?

A:      Say, we’ve really got to stop using model aeroplane glue in a confined space, don’t we....

Q:      I hope to make a living taking pet portraits – how should I set up my studio?

A:      Start off by getting business cards printed in two languages – cat and dog. Then give one to each inmate in the animal shelters and pet stores. You may need a receptionist for the telephone – may I suggest a parrot?