Planning Ahead For Your New Camera Outfit - A Checklist

Those of you who followed the news from Photokina in 2016 - sent back in part by the management team of Camera Electronic and in part by the press departments of major manufacturers - will have been attracted to the new cameras and lenses shown. Lots of you will have zeroed in on new offerings and are starting to make vague plans to get something fresh...

Well, before the new cameras came onto the sales floor - in some cases this can be months - you could do some good for yourself by making a detailed plan of what to get...in what order. We've prepared a checklist for you. Please feel free to copy it and print it out.

TEN-POINT CHECKLIST FOR NEW PHOTO EQUIPMENT

1. Sell your old camera at the markets, pawnshop, or Gumtree. Hide the cash from the rest of the family. Do this first so that you cannot renege on the idea later. You can occupy your spare time by cleaning out the hard drive and finally editing those 5000 files of the dog chasing a tennis ball.

2. Decide which lenses you wish to keep. This list should also include the lenses that you bought at the camera market, the lenses that have been sitting in the shed for two decades, the lenses that fit the camera system you had two camera systems ago, the lens that your mate gave you, and the lens that you haven't actually told the wife about yet. If none of these match the new camera system you are lusting after...err.. considering...then you are morally justified in selling the lot. Morals play a lot in lens sales.

3. Lift up the bottom of the camera bag or Pelican case and see if anything has slipped down there. It is the photographic equivalent of taking the sofa cushions off and looking for small change but it can yield some surprising finds. Expect old filters and lint.

4. Analyse your photo patterns scientifically. If you have been taking pictures of orchids for 30 years, you probably will not need to invest in a 500mm f:1.8 lens. You can apply the money you save to the purchase of a 78-Kilo tripod and a focus stacking program.

5. Measure the boot of the car. Is it big enough to accommodate the new camera system? Is it big enough to fit all the boxes in if you have to store them in there to prevent the wife from finding them? If she does find them, is it big enough to accommodate you?

6. Check the specifications of your computer system. Does it have enough central memory to run the files from the new camera? If it does, will it overheat? If it overheats, can you make cheese toasties on the outer casing? Note: with some examples of computer from a very well-known manufacture, you can. Kraft Cheddar slices are particularly good for this.

7. While you are puzzling at the figures on the computer, look up the version of RAW converter that the new camera will require - and then look at what your current editing program will do. Of course it will not be adequate, but I just put this in to make you feel sad and alone. A new editing program will bring you joy again, until the next time you change systems...

8. No need the throw out all your old memory cards - they can be used to prop up small flower pots to promote drainage. The new ones that you will need to buy will be faster and have more capacity. You can always ask whether the new camera comes with a free card in the box, if you are not worried by indelicate language.

9. Will you want black or silver? Or silver with tan facings? Or an overall wrap of the national flag?
Or all four? If you sold the car you could buy all four. You can sell cars on Gumtree...

10. Do you need the new camera to be water-proof, water-resistant, or highly-absorbent? Decide now before you go down to the beach.