Monday, January 23, 2012

Anger Management for Photographers

To begin with, if you are a professional wedding photographer you need not read this blog. You know far more than I could teach and any reminders of what you face daily might make you laugh....and you might not be able to stop laughing ....faster and faster and faster....

Every photographer will get mad. No matter whether the subject is a gang fight in Brazil or a bowl of flowers in the studio, whatever you point your lens at will attempt to weasel out of the picture, go all out of white balance, or stick two fingers up behind someone in the frame. That happens a lot with sunflowers.

The equipment will conspire with the subject to either slide out of alignment or fail totally just before you press the shutter release. There is a special dump circuit built into N___n cameras that flattens the battery while you turn around to adjust the fill light and C___n camera have a detector built into the side of the prism that watches you and switches on the Lens Error 909 sign whenever you look like you are about to have fun. H________d cameras are pre-programmed from the factory to declare “Buyer Error” and then shut off entirely until the winter solstice – it’s a Scandinavian thing...

Even the lighting has it in for you. The sun knows when you need more light and goes behind a cloud – indeed if it is a clear sky it will go behind a bike shed or parking sign just to deny you a good shot. If you use a speedlight you will get exactly what you deserve and it is no good coming whining to us. Even the good old tray of magnesium powder and flintlock pistol can misfire, though not when you are looking straight at it with your sunglasses off.

What to do. Manage your anger. Focus it. Nurture it. Design a new life-space in the time continuum with it. If you are a landscape worker grab your camera by the neck strap, whirl it round your head, and toss it out over the cliff. If you are shooting a model in the studio turn off all the lights and leave. For Morocco. If you are photographing a turkey in the kitchen, grasp the camera, grease it well, and stuff it straight...................................................................................

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandra said...

lol!

January 23, 2012 at 8:34 AM  

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Anger Management for Photographers

To begin with, if you are a professional wedding photographer you need not read this blog. You know far more than I could teach and any reminders of what you face daily might make you laugh....and you might not be able to stop laughing ....faster and faster and faster....

Every photographer will get mad. No matter whether the subject is a gang fight in Brazil or a bowl of flowers in the studio, whatever you point your lens at will attempt to weasel out of the picture, go all out of white balance, or stick two fingers up behind someone in the frame. That happens a lot with sunflowers.

The equipment will conspire with the subject to either slide out of alignment or fail totally just before you press the shutter release. There is a special dump circuit built into N___n cameras that flattens the battery while you turn around to adjust the fill light and C___n camera have a detector built into the side of the prism that watches you and switches on the Lens Error 909 sign whenever you look like you are about to have fun. H________d cameras are pre-programmed from the factory to declare “Buyer Error” and then shut off entirely until the winter solstice – it’s a Scandinavian thing...

Even the lighting has it in for you. The sun knows when you need more light and goes behind a cloud – indeed if it is a clear sky it will go behind a bike shed or parking sign just to deny you a good shot. If you use a speedlight you will get exactly what you deserve and it is no good coming whining to us. Even the good old tray of magnesium powder and flintlock pistol can misfire, though not when you are looking straight at it with your sunglasses off.

What to do. Manage your anger. Focus it. Nurture it. Design a new life-space in the time continuum with it. If you are a landscape worker grab your camera by the neck strap, whirl it round your head, and toss it out over the cliff. If you are shooting a model in the studio turn off all the lights and leave. For Morocco. If you are photographing a turkey in the kitchen, grasp the camera, grease it well, and stuff it straight...................................................................................

We are experiencing technical difficulties. Our normal blog will resume shortly.

Labels: