Uncle Dick's Workshop - Friday 12

Every Friday at 10:00AM - we will be bringing you the sort of cutting-edge expertise that leaves ragged bits and sore fingers - Uncle Dick's Workshop. The advice is free - free from good sense in most instances....It really cranks up around the first of April.
 

Q:      I have decided to sell my collection of ten 1970’s entry-level 35mm cameras to finance acquisition of a medium-format DSLR. Will I need to add to the trade-in or will there be money coming back?

A:      Are you sure you wouldn’t rather wait until the Halina company release their own medium format DSLR? I mean, brand loyalty and all that?

Q:      Why would you get a fish-eye lens for your DSLR?

A:      Just for the halibut....

Q:      I want a fisheye telephoto zoom wideangle macro for my compact camera – I see you don’t have any. Why not?

A:      We are forbidden them under the Geneva Convention, along with quadrifoil bayonets. I regret it deeply, particularly now that you have asked.

Q:      I want to be an artist, not just a photographer. How should I go about it?

A:      I should concentrate upon personal appearance first, with an emphasis upon outlandish dress and a really bad haircut. By all means have yourself tattooed if you can stand it, but in any case cultivate the sort of appearance that excites. It does not matter whether the emotion you engender is pity or disgust – the real point is to deflect attention from your images until someone is fool enough to buy one. THEN you can shave and bathe.

Q:      Why does it take so long for goods to come from the eastern states when I can get every toy I ever want from America in under a day?

A:      Because the people who are transporting your items from the eastern states are Australians like you. Got ya thinking there, didn’t I. Don’t worry, you can still poke fun at Americans when you are in the bar, but you’re gonna be waiting for that box of bits from Brisbane while you do it.