Uncle Dick's Workshop - Friday 7

Every Friday at 10:00AM - we will be bringing you the sort of cutting-edge expertise that leaves ragged bits and sore fingers - Uncle Dick's Workshop. The advice is free - free from good sense in most instances....It really cranks up around the first of April.

Q:      My brother-in-law said he got the same camera as I did but he got it for 50% less. Why is that?

A:      Because he lied. He wanted to make you feel anxious and inadequate. As you have no access to his credit card account you cannot check up on him. Repay the complement – get a cocktail napkin from the local lap-dance club and tell your sister that he left it at your place....

Q:      I want to make a small fortune in stock photography. How do I do it?

A:      Quit your day job, Buy $ 6000 worth of cameras, and wander around taking pictures of sunsets and graffiti. Soon you will have converted your big fortune to a small fortune.

Q:      I feel I need a mentor. Can you suggest one?

A:      Mentor? That was a brand of German cigarette between the wars....are you sure you want to take up smoking? Why not find someone to teach you photography?

Q:      My photography club wants to organize a field trip this summer – any suggestions?

A:      I should look out for a paddock with a ghost gum. Or an abandoned power station. Or a set of rocks with an ocean attached. Use ND 100X filters and short exposures – your viewers will thank you.

Q:      This camera you sold me is no good – I can’t get the card out!

A:      When they designed it, the Japanese manufacturers probably thought that no-one would actually be able to put a memory card in back to front and upside down. Foolish people.... Would you like to borrow my pocketknife to prise it out?

Note: in the 1960’s I saw a woman insert a 126 cartridge into an Instamatic camera upside down and manage to close the back. The image has remained with me to this day, as has her language.