Uncle Dick's Workshop - Friday 1

Every Friday at 10:00AM - we will be bringing you the sort of cutting-edge expertise that leaves ragged bits and sore fingers - Uncle Dick's Workshop. The advice is free - free from good sense in most instances....It really cranks up around the first of April.
 

Q:      Uncle Dick, how can I persuade young women to take their clothes off and pose in my lounge room?

A:      Lose the motorbikes and car parts. Close the curtains. Buy a roach bomb and a camera.

Q:      Uncle Dick, what is the difference between macro and micro when I take close-ups?

A:      For you, no difference at all. Your focus point will be where you least expect it and your depth of field will be one micron. Don’t let it stop you from spending $ 1000 on a lens – it hasn’t stopped anyone else.

Q:      Uncle Dick, how do I reduce the noise in my prints?

A:      There is no noise – put the print up to your ear. Silence. Those coloured spots and blotches are your friends and relations.

Q:      Uncle Dick, which is better – Canon or Nikon?

A:      Yes, exactly. Couldn’t have put it better.

Q:      Uncle Dick, I want to do professional food illustration with a pocket compact camera and a couple of work lights from Bunnings.

A:      You do? I stand amazed – I had not supposed that there could be two of you in the world. Are you related?